Wiser With Age

Tag: relationships

  • In My (Grand) Mother’s Words: Falling in love

    In My (Grand) Mother’s Words: Falling in love


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    The day I unexpectedly arrived to Honduras for what was supposed to be my grandmother’s 92nd birthday bash, an intimate conversation with my grandmother occurred. We were in her living room, surrounded by people, yet she took a moment to look up at me in the middle of all the commotion, and she asked:

    “Victoria, y vos te has enamorado alguna vez?â€

    (Victoria, have you ever been in love?)

    A flood of emotions and thoughts ran through my mind. Why was she asking? Was she serious? Why now? What do I say? I did what I’ve always known is best, I was honest.

    Then I asked her, “Y usted? Alguna vez se ha enamorado?†(What about you? Have you ever been in love?)

    She replied:

    “Si. Dos veces.â€

    (Yes. Twice.)

    I followed-up by asking if one of the two times had been with my grandfather. She said, “no,“ with ZERO hesitation. She’s 92, so back in the day I’m not sure how much of a role love played in starting a family with someone.

    I have to say that in the 29 years I’ve known my grandmother, this was probably the most captivating, raw, and real moment I’ve ever had with her. I was so surprised by her curiosity to ask me such a thing, out of nowhere! I was also impressed by her candidness and honesty in replying to me. Many times we’re taught elders ask all the questions, we provide all the answers, and that’s it. This was a conversation. It was a conversation between two women where the barriers of tradition were removed.

    Maybe that’s what surprised me the most. This moment, in a way, was my grandmother acknowledging I’m a woman. Not a little girl. Not just her granddaughter. A woman who has had experiences that she wants to know about. It was her way of reaching out, and letting the only granddaughter who hasn’t grown up with her around know that she wants to know who I am. It was her way of telling me know she cares, and whoever did me wrong wasn’t worthy of me anyways.

    In true abuela fashion, she was right.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • The secret to romantic relationships from an 81-year-old expert

    The secret to romantic relationships from an 81-year-old expert


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Dr. Pat Allen

    Dr. Pat Allen has figured out the secret formula to romantic relationships, but it took the end of her rocky first marriage, lots of education, and a few other relationships to find it. Now that she has, she has been happily devoting her life to helping others lead successful relationships for the past four decades.

    At 81, Allen is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist with an office in Newport Beach, California. She has authored several books, gives seminars and classes, one-on-one sessions, and hosts an online radio show every Friday night called, “Empowered Conversation.”

    Basically, she says, it all comes down to women being able to be happy alone, and being willing to share their happiness, while a man needs to feel respected. The more he feels respected, the more he wants to cherish his woman – and thus, the woman feels loved. See here:

    The spunky red head was born to an Irish Catholic family in Chicago but moved to California in 1965, with her four children, when her husband was relocated for work. It was around this time, however, when she started drinking. And it was when she found herself in the hospital after attempting to hurt her husband, that she knew she hit bottom and needed to change her life.

    “I said a prayer that if I could have a moment of sanity, I would serve mankind for the rest of my life – that was in 1968, and I’ve been doing it ever since,†says Allen, now sober for 44 years.

    Her first husband left her and married someone else, but she bounced back and decided to pursue a masters in counseling, instead of art as she originally planned. Today, she’s busier than ever.

    “Tuesdays and Wednesdays I work down in Orange County – I work for another non-profit for addicts,†says Dr. Allen. “I also go to art class on Tuesdays, because I’m still an artist and musician. I play the piano. I know how to balance my life between working and playing.â€

    She says the biggest challenge of her job is to not get emotionally involved with the cases of her clients.

    “I’m a cognitive behavioral therapist who helps communicate what you want and what you don’t want. I keep my ego out of the way,†says Allen. “God tends to work through imperfect people. I believe I’m on this planet to serve other human beings, and in doing so, I benefit.â€

    Through her life and work experience, she says she’s realized the only way you know you love yourself, or anyone else, is through the commitments you’re willing to make and keep.

    “I help people make and keep agreements,†says Allen. “I help them to negotiate.â€

    Her last husband of 18 years died in 2003, but she says she now has a new boyfriend.

    Allen’s advice to the single ladies is to go where you laugh.

    “Men see us not for our physical beauty, but our ability to be happy,†says Allen.

    What advice would she give her younger self with the wisdom she has now?

    “I now know the secret to life,†she says. “Someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. If you don’t have a human, get a dog.â€

  • Love Lessons From My Parents

    Love Lessons From My Parents


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    My all-time favorite couple: Mom and Dad (Courtesy Melissa Braverman)

    Yesterday would have been my late and adored parents 36th wedding anniversary. The date got me to thinking about some of the many lessons I learned from them about finding and sustaining lasting love.

    Love comes along when — and where — you least expect it: My mother was my dad’s secretary, and it was far from love at first sight when they met. Years and two respective divorces later, they began to see one another in a new light.

    Love means taking a risk — and letting go of the past: Mom wasn’t initially convinced that Dad was worth the risk. He, meanwhile, wasn’t too keen on investing himself in a serious, committed relationship. Both of them got past their fears, even though it took a few bumps (and breakups) along the way for them to get to saying “I do.â€

    Love is a job with lifetime benefits — if you’re willing to do the work: Relationships have their ups and downs, and my parents’ relationship was no different. But they never took each other for granted, or stopped paying attention to the important stuff big and small — from taking good care of themselves physically to sending cards for no occasion except to say “I love you.â€

    Love is the best medicine: Whether facing small challenges like the ongoing drama attending their daughter’s love life or great battles like cancer, Mom and Dad always drew strength from one another. I think that’s why, between the two of them, they survived a combined 26 years after being diagnosed with cancer.

    Mom and Dad’s enduring love set the bar pretty high for me when it comes to happily ever after. But that’s okay. I’m ready, willing and able to do the work to make it happen.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Melissa Braverman is a writer and award-winning hospitality marketing professional. Her first foray into the blogosphere, Single Gal In The City, garnered critical acclaim and made her a leading voice about dating and relationships. Born and raised in Manhattan, Melissa is currently blogging about life in the Big Apple at www.newyorkcitygal.com. Follow Melissa on Twitter at @MelissaNYCGal.

  • Veteran remembers meeting his wife 61 years ago

    Veteran remembers meeting his wife 61 years ago


    Bob Haupt was drafted to the U.S. Marines in 1951, and for years he traveled the United States to different bases. He was previously in the refrigeration and air conditioning business, which led to his job as a repairman in the Marines. He was stationed in many states around the country – one of them being Virginia. During one of his visits to his hometown, Teaneck, NJ, he met the love of his life, Helen Haupt. Bob would travel every weekend for seven month from Virginia to see Helen. Soon after his service was over in 1953, he decided to marry her on January 30, 1954, and they have been together since.

    Their secret to their 61-year-old marriage? “If you love each other, you can get through anything.”

     

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Kelly Carrion, is a multimedia journalist who believes in the incredible influence storytelling has on people, and how they view the world. That is why she has made it her mission to tell compelling stories about extraordinary people. Her articles have been featured on NBCNews.com, NBCLatino.com, LowellSun.com and Nashoba Publishing. She is a recent Boston University graduate. Follow Kelly on Twitter @kellycarrion12.

  • 7 principles to building healthy relationships that last

    7 principles to building healthy relationships that last


     

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Photo/ Old People Holding Hands blog

    Are you a people builder or a people basher?

    Relationships can be extremely complicated, yet they are a part of every aspect of daily life – from leading a successful business to having an emotionally stable family. Thankfully, building and maintaining quality relationships entails only seven key principles.

    1. Trust

    All relationships are based on trust. To build trust, you must be trustworthy and remain consistent and dependable with everything you say and do.  You should be the kind of person who is absolutely reliable in every situation.

    2. Respect

    Take time to purposely express your respect for the people around you. You will find that it makes them feel valuable and important. In addition, make sure you are a careful and attentive listener. When you listen carefully, and with total attention, you demonstrate the respect you have for a person’s uniqueness. This will greatly enhance the quality of your relationship.

    3. Time

    How much time you physically spend with another person is a critical and elemental factor in communicating well with another person. The value of a relationship can increase for both you and the other person depending on the amount of time that you invest in it.

    4. Politeness

    When you say “please†and “thank you†on a regular basis to the people in your life, you make them feel better about themselves. You raise their self-esteem, make them feel honored and important, and they feel good about what they are doing.

    5. Caring

    The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Stop criticizing, condemning or complaining to people or to others, and start thinking of yourself as a people builder rather than a people basher.

    People builders acknowledge others when they are doing something right. So, always look for ways to make people feel more valued, respected, loved and appreciated.

    7. Praise and appreciation

    Remember, the three most powerful words in any relationship are the words “I love you.â€Â Take the time to show and tell the most important people in your life that you love them, and do it in many different ways, and as often as possible. Never take for granted that you’re loved ones should “just know†you love them…tell them! Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. 

    When you express your appreciation to another person for something they do for you, they feel better about themselves, and they want to do more of it.

    7. Cooperation

    Be willing to share, contribute, and help each other while having a pleasant attitude. This is an important facet of lasting relationships.

    One of the easiest, most inexpensive ways to build empowering relationships is by always greeting people with a smile. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.â€

    I say, “Smile! It increases your face value!â€

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Dr. Josefina Monasterio is a certified life coach,  fitness expert, and nutritional counselor based in Vero Beach, Florida. She holds a PhD in Adult Personal Development from Nova University and a Master’s Degree in Education from Boston University. Dr. Josefina is also a certified Yoga Therapist from the World Yoga Society of Calcutta, India, and host of Healthy Power TV’s “The Dr. Josefina Way.â€