Tag: family

In My Mother’s Words: Matriarchs

Victoria (left) with her grandmother, María Victoria (center) and her mother, Bélgica (right).

I recently came back from Honduras. I went home to celebrate my grandmother’s 92nd birthday. Only a handful of family members knew I was going, and it had been four years since my last visit. When I walked into my grandmother’s living room, she looked up at me almost in disbelief. She shouted “Bandida!” (The literal translation is “bandit,” but basically, what she meant is that I’m crazy and sneaky.)

Unfortunately, the 92nd birthday party extravaganza didn’t quite play out as we had planned. The next day, my grandmother was hospitalized, and it would stay that way for the next four days. You know how they say, “Every second counts?” Well, had it not been for my mom’s swiftness in noticing something was wrong with my grandmother, we would’ve been attending her funeral instead. She’s fine now! Much better, but we almost lost her.

My grandmother, María Victoria, is the matriarch of our family. She is the trunk of a family tree that consists of 9 children, 24 grandchildren, 22 great-grandchildren, and one great-great-grandchild. Despite her age, her mental clarity is astonishing. She will tell you stories from 70+ years ago with incredibly vivid detail. While she was in the hospital, I had lots of conversations with her. I asked her why she chose do make some of the decisions in life she made. During many instances, it had nothing to do with what was best for her, rather what was best for my aunts and uncles.

It reminded me a lot of my mom. I constantly remind her she has to take care of herself. Yesterday alone she told me:

“Yo se mija. Yo ya no soy la misma y tengo que pensar mas en ustedes.”

(My daughter, I know. I’m not the same anymore, and I need to think more about you two.)

This response blew me away. Never has my mom ever not thought of us. Honestly, she’s thought of us too much and not enough about herself. But, she says the last thing she wants to do is cause us any pain. Meanwhile, the last thing I want is for her to ever be in pain.

After she said this, it made me think of the parallels that exist between her and my grandmother. Both matriarchs. Both made many decisions based on what was best for their children. Both tried to do the best job they could’ve done within the circumstances life dealt them.

My grandmother, a woman who doesn’t know how to read or write, raised a woman like my mother. A woman who was brave enough to leave home, who took on a new country and raised her children with the best education money and hard work can buy. Neither ever sits there and brags about their accomplishments. They simply say they did what they were supposed to do.

As I’ve told you before, my mother compares my brother and I to her lungs. Part of me thinks that’s what helped my grandmother pull through – seeing how everyone rallied around her. How we all reminded her she still has fight in her, and we all still want her around. We gave her the boost of oxygen she needed.

It’s been a scary 10 months between my mom’s diagnosis, and now my grandmother. That’s why this year Mother’s Day is extra special. This is why I’m more grateful than ever to have both my mom, and my grandmother, on Earth with me. It could’ve been a terribly horrifying outcome on both ends. Instead, I learned more about the wonderful trail of matriarchs I form a part of, which I couldn’t be more humbled and grateful for.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.”

May 7, 2016
Love Lessons From My Parents

My all-time favorite couple: Mom and Dad (Courtesy Melissa Braverman)

Yesterday would have been my late and adored parents 36th wedding anniversary. The date got me to thinking about some of the many lessons I learned from them about finding and sustaining lasting love.

Love comes along when — and where — you least expect it: My mother was my dad’s secretary, and it was far from love at first sight when they met. Years and two respective divorces later, they began to see one another in a new light.

Love means taking a risk — and letting go of the past: Mom wasn’t initially convinced that Dad was worth the risk. He, meanwhile, wasn’t too keen on investing himself in a serious, committed relationship. Both of them got past their fears, even though it took a few bumps (and breakups) along the way for them to get to saying “I do.”

Love is a job with lifetime benefits — if you’re willing to do the work: Relationships have their ups and downs, and my parents’ relationship was no different. But they never took each other for granted, or stopped paying attention to the important stuff big and small — from taking good care of themselves physically to sending cards for no occasion except to say “I love you.”

Love is the best medicine: Whether facing small challenges like the ongoing drama attending their daughter’s love life or great battles like cancer, Mom and Dad always drew strength from one another. I think that’s why, between the two of them, they survived a combined 26 years after being diagnosed with cancer.

Mom and Dad’s enduring love set the bar pretty high for me when it comes to happily ever after. But that’s okay. I’m ready, willing and able to do the work to make it happen.

Melissa Braverman is a writer and award-winning hospitality marketing professional. Her first foray into the blogosphere, Single Gal In The City, garnered critical acclaim and made her a leading voice about dating and relationships. Born and raised in Manhattan, Melissa is currently blogging about life in the Big Apple at www.newyorkcitygal.com. Follow Melissa on Twitter at @MelissaNYCGal.

February 13, 2016
In My Mother’s Words: Loving someone who isn’t yours

I was 16-years-old and chatting with my aunt, and my mom, one day after school. My aunt was going to be a grandmother for the FIFTH time. All of a sudden, she looks at me and says, “I’ve been talking to Karen (daughter-in-law), and we think you should be the baby’s godmother.”

I was FLOORED. First off, Hondurans do not take this godparent thing lightly. Being asked to become a godmother is being asked to go up to bat if, God FORBID, something happens to the mother. I looked at my mom in shock and excitedly said yes. It was an honor. Besides, I ADORE his mother – many times more than my cousin, ha!

My cousin had all daughters at this point, and we didn’t know the sex of the baby. They always waited. But, I remember thinking to myself, “I hope it’s a boy.” I have an older brother, I have always gotten along really well with boys, and I wanted to be the godmother of this boy the family longed for.

On November 28, 2003, Ronald Diego Benavides Nuñez was born. I had started buying gifts for him long before he arrived. I’d buy neutral colored outfits, but in my heart felt it would be a baby boy, my baby boy.

I went crazy. Frankly, I still go crazy. I actually refer to him as “my son.” Whenever I go to Honduras, the kid knows he has me wrapped. I tell everyone he’s the one person I can’t stay mad at and just turns me into mush. I cried when he called me “madrina” (godmother) for the first time. Anything Rondi needs/wants/desires from me, Rondi gets. But, as my mother always reminds me:

“No te enamores de lo ajeno.”

(Don’t fall in love with what doesn’t belong to you.)

It’s such a tough reminder, but she’s so right. He’s not mine. I’m not there day in and day out helping him with his homework. The emotional highs and lows that come with rearing him don’t apply to madrina. I show up every so often, shower him with love but am not there every day.

There’s a certain amount of guilt that comes with being one of the family members who is blessed enough to live in the United States. Honduras isn’t the safest place, and it’s very poor, but it is beautiful. If he did belong to me, he’d be here. But he doesn’t, so he’s not.

Anytime I get myself riled up about not being informed that he’s sick, or that he needs something, I remind myself of my mom’s words. He may not be mine completely in theory, but I’m possessive and territorial, so I will say he is until HE tells me otherwise.

And I think he’s ok with that.

Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.”

January 29, 2016
In My Mother’s Words: Love for your kids

Putting into words how much you love someone can be really hard. The love is sometimes so powerful, you’re left speechless.

One of the most beautiful explanations my mom has used to describe her love for us came as a response to a bit of a smart answer I gave her.

She’s always said my brother and I are her lungs, without us she cannot breathe. One day I said to her:

“Bueno, uno puede vivir con un pulmón.”

(Well, you can live with one lung.)

She replied:

“Si, pero no vuelves a ser la misma.”

(Yes, but you’re never the same.)

Her response made me think, and I always remember it. It taught me how much you can mean to someone. You always know your mom loves you, but when it’s compared to something essential, like your lungs, you pause and really reflect.

I, too, honestly feel like I cannot breathe without my mother. In times of happiness, she’s there smiling ear-to-ear, in times of sadness, she holds my hand, and in challenging times, we love each other and stay positive.

Certain weeks, you feel really lucky and blessed. This week, I’m grateful for breathing room.

Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.”

August 14, 2015
Want to eat healthy? Eat together as a family, daily

Photo/Dreamstime

Traditionally, family meals have represented much more than just communal eating—they’re a time for good conversation and genuine family bonding.

Unfortunately, today, many meals are consumed at stoplights or in front of the computer—alone. Solitary dining has become more and more common as busy families are finding it challenging to carve out time for family meals, particularly when all adult family members work outside of the home.

A 2014 study found that the majority of American households eat meals together less than five days a week. A 2013 Harris Poll found that among Americans who live with at least one family member, only 58 percent report eating with others at least four times a week, but 86 percent report sitting down to a dinner together at least once a week. The poll also found that the frequency of family dinners is declining with each generation.

Although solitary meals are occurring on a regular basis now, recent research suggests they are not contributing to you or your children’s well-being. Families that make an effort to eat meals together, at least three or four times a week, enjoy significant benefits for their health, happiness, and relationships.

For example, kids who eat meals with their families enjoy healthier eating patterns and less obesity. Research shows that children who share family meals, three or more times a week, are more likely to be in a healthy weight range and make better food choices. They’re more likely to eat healthy foods and less likely to eat unhealthy ones. They are also less likely to develop eating disorders.

Interestingly, a Cornell University study found that families (both adults and children) who eat dinner in their kitchen, or dining rooms, have significantly lower BMIs (body mass index) than families who eat elsewhere. For boys, remaining at the table until everyone is finished eating was also associated with a lower BMI.

There is also something to be said about the importance of family rituals, and routines, for children’s emotional health.

For example, teens who eat with their families at least five times a week are 40 percent more likely to get A’s and B’s in school than their peers who don’t share family meals. They’re also 42 percent less likely to drink alcohol, 59 percent less likely to smoke cigarettes, 66 percent less likely to try marijuana, and tend to be less depressed.

Other research shows that with each additional family dinner, adolescents have: higher self-esteem and life satisfaction, more trusting and helpful behaviors toward others and better relationships with their parents, better vocabulary and academic performance, lower teen pregnancy rates and truancy, and increased resilience to stress.

In order for family meals to occur, you must make them a priority.

If you’re looking for ideas on how to corral your family into eating more meals together, The Family Dinner Project provides some helpful and creative tips.

One of my favorite sayings is: “If you fail to plan, then you are planning to fail,” and this certainly applies here.

Making it possible for your family to eat together means not only shopping ahead of time so you have the food to prepare, but also selecting a time that works for everyone—whenever that may be. Just be creative and make your mealtimes as regular, stress-free and as enjoyable as possible!

Dr. Josefina Monasterio is a certified life coach, fitness expert, and nutritional counselor based in Vero Beach, Florida. She holds a PhD in Adult Personal Development from Nova University and a Master’s Degree in Education from Boston University. Dr. Josefina is also a certified Yoga Therapist from the World Yoga Society of Calcutta, India, and host of Healthy Power TV’s “The Dr. Josefina Way.”

September 22, 2014