Wiser With Age

Category: Advice

  • In My Mother’s Words: A lesson in love and hate

    In My Mother’s Words: A lesson in love and hate


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    Many people say they don’t watch the news, because it’s negative. I don’t necessarily agree with that mindset, but I respect it and understand it. But, there are times even I wish I didn’t have to watch the news. The idea that “ignorance is bliss†is something I wish I could achieve sometimes, but with my profession, I can’t.

    This summer alone, 49 people were killed at a nightclub in Orlando, where I lived for six years. I used to go dancing at that same nightclub. Racial tensions are at the highest I ever remember. Oklahoma. Baton Rouge. Minnesota. Dallas. Terror attacks continue. New York. Istanbul. Baghdad. France. The Syrian civil war is wiping out the little population it has left, and the ones who are lucky enough to escape are rejected by many of the places where they seek refuge. It’s draining. It’s frightening. It’s exhausting. It’s inexplicable.

    They say hate is taught, which reminds me of something my mom has always said:

    “Los hijos nacen blancos como un libro. Uno escribe en ellos lo que uno quiere.â€

    (When children are born, they are like a blank book. Parents, and others, write in them what they want.)

    Sometimes, other things like mental health play a role in all these scenarios, and after a certain point, you’re responsible for your own decisions. But, I can’t help to look at kids and how they all play together. They don’t ask questions. There’s no prejudice. I’m sure they see a difference, because we’re all different, but they don’t pay it mind. I guess it’s part of being a blank book.

    I’ve never understood what the big deal is about people being different. This saying from my mom taught me we all have a story, and most importantly, it reminds me that before I judge, I should take a moment and read their book instead.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My (Grand) Mother’s Words: Falling in love

    In My (Grand) Mother’s Words: Falling in love


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    The day I unexpectedly arrived to Honduras for what was supposed to be my grandmother’s 92nd birthday bash, an intimate conversation with my grandmother occurred. We were in her living room, surrounded by people, yet she took a moment to look up at me in the middle of all the commotion, and she asked:

    “Victoria, y vos te has enamorado alguna vez?â€

    (Victoria, have you ever been in love?)

    A flood of emotions and thoughts ran through my mind. Why was she asking? Was she serious? Why now? What do I say? I did what I’ve always known is best, I was honest.

    Then I asked her, “Y usted? Alguna vez se ha enamorado?†(What about you? Have you ever been in love?)

    She replied:

    “Si. Dos veces.â€

    (Yes. Twice.)

    I followed-up by asking if one of the two times had been with my grandfather. She said, “no,“ with ZERO hesitation. She’s 92, so back in the day I’m not sure how much of a role love played in starting a family with someone.

    I have to say that in the 29 years I’ve known my grandmother, this was probably the most captivating, raw, and real moment I’ve ever had with her. I was so surprised by her curiosity to ask me such a thing, out of nowhere! I was also impressed by her candidness and honesty in replying to me. Many times we’re taught elders ask all the questions, we provide all the answers, and that’s it. This was a conversation. It was a conversation between two women where the barriers of tradition were removed.

    Maybe that’s what surprised me the most. This moment, in a way, was my grandmother acknowledging I’m a woman. Not a little girl. Not just her granddaughter. A woman who has had experiences that she wants to know about. It was her way of reaching out, and letting the only granddaughter who hasn’t grown up with her around know that she wants to know who I am. It was her way of telling me know she cares, and whoever did me wrong wasn’t worthy of me anyways.

    In true abuela fashion, she was right.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: Matriarchs

    In My Mother’s Words: Matriarchs


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Victoria (left) with her grandmother, María Victoria (center) and her mother, Bélgica (right).

    I recently came back from Honduras. I went home to celebrate my grandmother’s 92nd birthday. Only a handful of family members knew I was going, and it had been four years since my last visit. When I walked into my grandmother’s living room, she looked up at me almost in disbelief. She shouted “Bandida!†(The literal translation is “bandit,” but basically, what she meant is that I’m crazy and sneaky.)

    Unfortunately, the 92nd birthday party extravaganza didn’t quite play out as we had planned. The next day, my grandmother was hospitalized, and it would stay that way for the next four days. You know how they say, “Every second counts?” Well, had it not been for my mom’s swiftness in noticing something was wrong with my grandmother, we would’ve been attending her funeral instead. She’s fine now! Much better, but we almost lost her.

    My grandmother, María Victoria, is the matriarch of our family. She is the trunk of a family tree that consists of 9 children, 24 grandchildren, 22 great-grandchildren, and one great-great-grandchild. Despite her age, her mental clarity is astonishing. She will tell you stories from 70+ years ago with incredibly vivid detail. While she was in the hospital, I had lots of conversations with her. I asked her why she chose do make some of the decisions in life she made. During many instances, it had nothing to do with what was best for her, rather what was best for my aunts and uncles.

    It reminded me a lot of my mom. I constantly remind her she has to take care of herself. Yesterday alone she told me:

    “Yo se mija. Yo ya no soy la misma y tengo que pensar mas en ustedes.â€

    (My daughter, I know. I’m not the same anymore, and I need to think more about you two.)

    This response blew me away. Never has my mom ever not thought of us. Honestly, she’s thought of us too much and not enough about herself. But, she says the last thing she wants to do is cause us any pain. Meanwhile, the last thing I want is for her to ever be in pain.

    After she said this, it made me think of the parallels that exist between her and my grandmother. Both matriarchs. Both made many decisions based on what was best for their children. Both tried to do the best job they could’ve done within the circumstances life dealt them.

    My grandmother, a woman who doesn’t know how to read or write, raised a woman like my mother. A woman who was brave enough to leave home, who took on a new country and raised her children with the best education money and hard work can buy. Neither ever sits there and brags about their accomplishments. They simply say they did what they were supposed to do.

    As I’ve told you before, my mother compares my brother and I to her lungs. Part of me thinks that’s what helped my grandmother pull through – seeing how everyone rallied around her. How we all reminded her she still has fight in her, and we all still want her around. We gave her the boost of oxygen she needed.

    It’s been a scary 10 months between my mom’s diagnosis, and now my grandmother. That’s why this year Mother’s Day is extra special. This is why I’m more grateful than ever to have both my mom, and my grandmother, on Earth with me. It could’ve been a terribly horrifying outcome on both ends. Instead, I learned more about the wonderful trail of matriarchs I form a part of, which I couldn’t be more humbled and grateful for.

    Happy Mother’s Day.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: Being multicultural

    In My Mother’s Words: Being multicultural


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    Growing up in Miami is enough of a cultural experience. Spanish is the main language, and any kid who went to school with you and didn’t speak the language got confusing looks. There’s not an overabundance of Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts, because there are ventanitas for you to get your cafecito at. You turn on the radio, and it’s a toss up of whether or not you’ll hear the Spanish version of the latest Shakira song or the English one. Of course, the Spanish version of EVERYTHING is usually better.

    Despite being half-Cuban, I was, and will always be, viewed as different in Miami, because it is a predominantly Cuban city. Different was sometimes good and sometimes bad, but for the most part I can’t complain. The biggest difference has been, and still is, living outside of Miami. The problem is, I also can’t handle living in Miami anymore. I’m basically stuck between two worlds.

    It makes me think of my mom who feels the same way about living in the U.S. vs. living in Honduras. She always tells me:

    “Es qué yo no soy de aquí, pero ya tampoco soy de allá.â€

              I’m not from here, but I’m also not from over there anymore.

    When she goes home, she no longer relates to the majority of her family on many things, particularly social issues. She’s considered the “liberal†one. Which is funny, because anyone who knows her HERE knows she’s not liberal…at all. She’s actually just a religious woman who really tries not to judge.

    She doesn’t really speak English, but the few words she does use daily slip out when she’s talking to my Honduran grandmother, like “appointment†or “I know.†She doesn’t enjoy the taste of American coffee, she says it’s watered down. She, too, is constantly juggling two worlds.

    I grew up in a Spanish-only home watching “Carusel†on Univision and listening to rancheras and boleros. I grew up watching Primer Impacto and Cristina, not the English network evening news or Oprah. When you leave that Miami bubble, and enter the true U.S., you’re kinda left lost in this limbo that no one else, for the most part, really gets. We each have our own culture at home, of course, but besides language, add the mix of growing up in what I call “Democratic Cuba” and it’s a whole other world.

    That’s why on days it gets to me more than others, I just call my mom or Miami friends. They ALWAYS get it. Besides, there’s a wonderful reassurance in your mom understanding you, even though you may sometimes have to Google translate some words to better express to her how you feel.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • Love Lessons From My Parents

    Love Lessons From My Parents


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    My all-time favorite couple: Mom and Dad (Courtesy Melissa Braverman)

    Yesterday would have been my late and adored parents 36th wedding anniversary. The date got me to thinking about some of the many lessons I learned from them about finding and sustaining lasting love.

    Love comes along when — and where — you least expect it: My mother was my dad’s secretary, and it was far from love at first sight when they met. Years and two respective divorces later, they began to see one another in a new light.

    Love means taking a risk — and letting go of the past: Mom wasn’t initially convinced that Dad was worth the risk. He, meanwhile, wasn’t too keen on investing himself in a serious, committed relationship. Both of them got past their fears, even though it took a few bumps (and breakups) along the way for them to get to saying “I do.â€

    Love is a job with lifetime benefits — if you’re willing to do the work: Relationships have their ups and downs, and my parents’ relationship was no different. But they never took each other for granted, or stopped paying attention to the important stuff big and small — from taking good care of themselves physically to sending cards for no occasion except to say “I love you.â€

    Love is the best medicine: Whether facing small challenges like the ongoing drama attending their daughter’s love life or great battles like cancer, Mom and Dad always drew strength from one another. I think that’s why, between the two of them, they survived a combined 26 years after being diagnosed with cancer.

    Mom and Dad’s enduring love set the bar pretty high for me when it comes to happily ever after. But that’s okay. I’m ready, willing and able to do the work to make it happen.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Melissa Braverman is a writer and award-winning hospitality marketing professional. Her first foray into the blogosphere, Single Gal In The City, garnered critical acclaim and made her a leading voice about dating and relationships. Born and raised in Manhattan, Melissa is currently blogging about life in the Big Apple at www.newyorkcitygal.com. Follow Melissa on Twitter at @MelissaNYCGal.