Many people say they don’t watch the news, because it’s negative. I don’t necessarily agree with that mindset, but I respect it and understand it. But, there are times even I wish I didn’t have to watch the news. The idea that “ignorance is bliss†is something I wish I could achieve sometimes, but with my profession, I can’t.
This summer alone, 49 people were killed at a nightclub in Orlando, where I lived for six years. I used to go dancing at that same nightclub. Racial tensions are at the highest I ever remember. Oklahoma. Baton Rouge. Minnesota. Dallas. Terror attacks continue. New York. Istanbul. Baghdad. France. The Syrian civil war is wiping out the little population it has left, and the ones who are lucky enough to escape are rejected by many of the places where they seek refuge. It’s draining. It’s frightening. It’s exhausting. It’s inexplicable.
They say hate is taught, which reminds me of something my mom has always said:
“Los hijos nacen blancos como un libro. Uno escribe en ellos lo que uno quiere.â€
(When children are born, they are like a blank book. Parents, and others, write in them what they want.)
Sometimes, other things like mental health play a role in all these scenarios, and after a certain point, you’re responsible for your own decisions. But, I can’t help to look at kids and how they all play together. They don’t ask questions. There’s no prejudice. I’m sure they see a difference, because we’re all different, but they don’t pay it mind. I guess it’s part of being a blank book.
I’ve never understood what the big deal is about people being different. This saying from my mom taught me we all have a story, and most importantly, it reminds me that before I judge, I should take a moment and read their book instead.
Arvol Looking Horse does not have a computer or access to internet. He is also careful with his spoken words – he has to be, as he is Chief of the Great Sioux Nation and is not allowed to use foul language.
He earned his eagle feather in 1990 by riding on horseback for 191 miles – from Standing Rock Reservation to Wounded Knee – in the middle of winter, for the annual Chief Big Foot Memorial Ride.
“I was chosen by my own people, because I rode with my Big Foot Riders,†says Chief Looking Horse, who rode annually from 1986 through 1990. “We did a ceremony in 1990 – wiping the tears of seven generations.â€
Chief Looking Horse resides on the Cheyenne River Reservation in South Dakota, a total land area of 4,267 square miles created by the United States government in 1889. It is currently home to approximately 8,500, according to the 2010 Census.
“Since I was 12, I have been the 19th generation keeper of the Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe – an ancient spirit bundle that was brought to us by a Buffalo Calf Woman,†says Looking Horse, now 63. “We use the sacred pipe in ceremonies. We make treaties with the U.S. government. We use the bible and the sacred pipe.â€
He explains that in Sioux culture, each generation is counted by 100 years, and that 19 generations ago, “the great spirit†told them a certain way to live.
“Two scouts were sitting on top of the hill, a woman came to them, carrying a bundle. And one of the scouts looked at her as a woman to take home. When she approached him she said, ‘I know what you’re thinking.’ As he approached her, a cloud enveloped him, and when it lifted, she was a skeleton. She taught how we are supposed to pray and live in peace and harmony. When she left, she went up the hill and changed into four colors, a young buffalo calf, a red buffalo calf, a yellow buffalo calf, and then towards the top she turned white. When people are not living that life anymore, she will return to the earth as a white buffalo calf.â€
He says a decade ago, a white buffalo calf was born in Janesville, Wisconsin, signaling turbulent times. According to the National Bison Association, the odds of having a white buffalo are one in millions.
“This was the beginning of big changes with the environment and climate changes,†says Looking Horse. More white animals will be born because man has gone too far. The reason we are having so much sickness is that everything is about money. We are having a hard time bringing that message to the people. The message is that we have to return to a place of prayer.â€
On June 21, Chief Looking Horse will be heading the World Peace and Prayer Day – an annual ceremony he founded for all “people of the Earth.â€
He asks that everyone go to their own sacred site or place of faith on this day to join together to pray for healing of the world’s sacred waters.
“I pray that our sacred sites can be protected, and that our people can live in peace and harmony, and the water of life can be there for our children,†says Looking Horse. “Right now, the most important thing is the water. Man has gone too far, and now we have to go back to the spiritual way – it’s all about prayer in the end.â€
Looking Horse says many changes have occurred for his people over the past 100 years.
“They put our people on the reservations – they were concentration camps,†he says. “There were a lot of massacres. Back in 1890, during the Wounded Knee Massacre in South Dakota, they killed all the buffalo and horses. They killed our spiritual leaders…our people were being wiped out. Children were placed in boarding school. They are the grandfathers today. So a lot of them just speak English, but our language still survives. Today, we are trying to teach our culture and language to our children.â€
He explains the Sioux people have three dialects Lakota (spoken in Nebraska), Dakota (spoken primarily in North and South Dakota), and Nakota (spoken in Minnesota, Wisconsin and Canada).
“The year I was born, we had to have a permit to leave our reservations,†he says. “When I was born Indian people could not drink whiskey. There was a sign on a bar that said, ‘No dogs or Indians allowed.’ Now there’s a resolution to allow alcohol on the reservation. To us, that’s bad, because we talk about a good mind. We pray to have a good mind. We have to eat traditional food – like buffalo. Since 1990, we have been praying for the buffalo to return, and clean our body…But today, people are trying to say marijuana is a medicine, but we say ‘no,’ we can’t use marijuana or alcohol in our body.â€
The Chief adds that before the American Indian Religious Freedom Act was passed in 1978, his people were not allowed to talk about their spiritual ceremonies in public.
“We would go to jail,†he says. “But today, we are faced with a lot of sickness. We are now trying to protect our water. We use water in ceremonies. The pipeline is trying to go across our lands. We are trying to maintain our environment through ceremony. [At the start of] the four seasons we do ceremonies. In spring, on March 21, we do a welcoming in the Black Hills – they are shaped like a heart – that’s the heart of mother earth. It’s like a heart that is pumping.â€
He’s thankful that his people are able to legally pray and conduct their ceremonies for the health of their future generations.
“It’s the corporations we are surrounded by – Monsanto, fracking, they are pushing everything on us. If we are to survive with our children, we have to hold our day of prayer for healing with the water,†says Looking Horse. “Our main source we are trying to protect is the water of life. We have some young people that ran from North Dakota to Omaha to bring the message to engineers. They called it Running for Our Life. Our people used to live along the river, and they put a dam for electricity there and the river got polluted. We are still drinking that water from the mining of the oil companies. We have a lot of sick people on the reservations from the chemicals. Our elders say it’s like a chemical warfare. We used the buffalo to eat, now they give us cows. Milk is not good for us.â€
He considers the fact that many are becoming Christian on the reservation positive, because more people are praying.
“We pray together,†says Looking Horse. “Ten or 15 years ago, we were having problems, but now people ask me to go to church to pray in my own language.â€
“When I was young, our people lived in a dark time when we couldn’t speak about our culture, now the youth have the opportunity to carry on the wisdom and knowledge of our ancestors – to carry on the teachings to help our future generations…â€
Steve Albin auditioning for “Shark Tank” on May 20, 2016.
Steve Albin grew up in the Santa Clara Valley prune orchards in northern California and has lived in nearby Los Altos his entire life. He has always appreciated the little things of his everyday life, and even more so now.
Towards the end of his successful 42-year career as the owner of a custom picture frame shop, his health started to deteriorate, and he mysteriously started losing his muscle strength.
“I’d been going downhill for three years,†says Albin, 73. “I was getting weaker and weaker…I couldn’t walk from the garage to the mailbox. We were going to doctors, and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. My cardiologist told me I might have a disease called amyloidosis. The only testing that’s done is a biopsy of the heart, and most insurances don’t pay for it, but I was diagnosed and was told I needed to get a heart transplant.â€
So, a year and a half ago, Albin went on a waiting list for a new heart. Fortunately, he had to wait only about six months for a heart transplant, and he’s now seven months out of recovery.
“I feel fantastic now,†says Albin. “I’m right back on my program – inventing.â€
The grandfather of seven spends much of his time now as an inventor – an occupation which stemmed from his past experiences.
Albin is proud of the myriad jobs he has had since graduating high school – from working in a lumber yard to asphalt work, to bakeries and a paint store.
“It’s good to have all sorts of jobs, because then you know what you don’t want to do in life,†explains Albin. “The paint store had custom picture framing, and I fell in love. It was an occupational instant love. I looked at it like I had at least 25 jobs, and this is one I really enjoy…When you find what you love, you’re very fortunate. Sometimes they don’t pay as well, but you love it.â€
The owner of the paint store sent  the young Albin to an old framing master who taught him all the various techniques for picture framing. For one year, he’d split his time between working at the paint shop and as a student. Six years later, in 1970, Albin was able to open his own shop, Steve Albin Picture Framing, in a local shopping center.
What he enjoyed most about his profession, he says, was the fine art of mounting on different types of papers so the artwork lasts a lifetime, as well as showing affection towards his customers.
“It’s just a wonderful thing to give wonderful service and make someone happy and comfortable. It’s a good feeling,†says Albin. “It’s so wonderful having an occupation where you can give of your heart and of yourself…When you have a one man shop, customers tend to tell you all sorts of things. You just listen to their opinion. That’s the sign of a true professional – make your customer feel comfortable. Give your best service, that’s your job.â€
According to Albin, anybody can put a frame together, and anyone can cut a mat, but the most important aspect of his craft is the design – putting it all together and the mounting.
“You have to know what you’re doing,†he says. “No matter what, it’s priceless to the customer.â€
“I was appointed the first convention chairman,†says Albin. “It exists today, and I traveled around the U.S. teaching framing, matting, and various different classes.â€
During his time traveling to different trade shows with the Association, Albin says he would see different  products in the framing business, and he would tell people how to improve their product, and they did.
“As my kids started to go to college, and I needed extra money, I started thinking of my own products such as, Easle Mate and Frame Connector,†says Albin. “In total, I had about eight products that I had patented and manufactured.â€
Albin says he started Albin Products 15 to 20 years ago while he had the frame shop. One company ended up buy all eight of his inventions – which are now sold in Michael’s stores across the U.S., and stores worldwide.
Earlier this month, Albin was one of about 450 to pitch his latest invention – the Handy Clamp – to the ABC television series, “Shark Tank.â€
“You can use the Handy Clamp when you want to glue something with your finger and thumb…you tighten the clamp so you don’t have to hold the object. You can clamp it to the table,†explains Albin. “The audition was absolutely wonderful…It was very exciting!â€
He explains further that everyone gets one to three minutes at a time to pitch their idea to the judges.
“One of them said they’d seen everything, and when I showed him the clamp, he said, ‘I’ve never seen anything like this!,†recalls Albin excitedly. “We have to wait two weeks to see if I made it for the next round.â€
He says what makes an invention successful is that you have to make something that is not out there.
“You don’t want to compete with a better looking screwdriver,†says Albin.†You have to have a new kind of clamp where if someone sees it, they say, ‘I need that clamp.’ When something is new and hot, you get people from all over the world wanting orders.â€
What’s the most important life advice that he would like to leave us with?
“Make sure you marry someone who is better than you are,†says Albin who just celebrated his 52nd wedding anniversary this month. “The key to everything is finding the right wife for you – success for business, family…
Your wife is the most important thing you can have. She’s your partner in everything – in advice, in business, in sickness and health – everything…We got married when she was 18, and I was 20…Happy marriage is staying true to your wife. You cannot drift off. You have to stay true to your vows no matter what it takes…I feel very blessed.â€
The day I unexpectedly arrived to Honduras for what was supposed to be my grandmother’s 92nd birthday bash, an intimate conversation with my grandmother occurred. We were in her living room, surrounded by people, yet she took a moment to look up at me in the middle of all the commotion, and she asked:
“Victoria, y vos te has enamorado alguna vez?â€
(Victoria, have you ever been in love?)
A flood of emotions and thoughts ran through my mind. Why was she asking? Was she serious? Why now? What do I say? I did what I’ve always known is best, I was honest.
Then I asked her, “Y usted? Alguna vez se ha enamorado?†(What about you? Have you ever been in love?)
She replied:
“Si. Dos veces.â€
(Yes. Twice.)
I followed-up by asking if one of the two times had been with my grandfather. She said, “no,“ with ZERO hesitation. She’s 92, so back in the day I’m not sure how much of a role love played in starting a family with someone.
I have to say that in the 29 years I’ve known my grandmother, this was probably the most captivating, raw, and real moment I’ve ever had with her. I was so surprised by her curiosity to ask me such a thing, out of nowhere! I was also impressed by her candidness and honesty in replying to me. Many times we’re taught elders ask all the questions, we provide all the answers, and that’s it. This was a conversation. It was a conversation between two women where the barriers of tradition were removed.
Maybe that’s what surprised me the most. This moment, in a way, was my grandmother acknowledging I’m a woman. Not a little girl. Not just her granddaughter. A woman who has had experiences that she wants to know about. It was her way of reaching out, and letting the only granddaughter who hasn’t grown up with her around know that she wants to know who I am. It was her way of telling me know she cares, and whoever did me wrong wasn’t worthy of me anyways.
I recently came back from Honduras. I went home to celebrate my grandmother’s 92nd birthday. Only a handful of family members knew I was going, and it had been four years since my last visit. When I walked into my grandmother’s living room, she looked up at me almost in disbelief. She shouted “Bandida!†(The literal translation is “bandit,” but basically, what she meant is that I’m crazy and sneaky.)
Unfortunately, the 92nd birthday party extravaganza didn’t quite play out as we had planned. The next day, my grandmother was hospitalized, and it would stay that way for the next four days. You know how they say, “Every second counts?” Well, had it not been for my mom’s swiftness in noticing something was wrong with my grandmother, we would’ve been attending her funeral instead. She’s fine now! Much better, but we almost lost her.
My grandmother, MarÃa Victoria, is the matriarch of our family. She is the trunk of a family tree that consists of 9 children, 24 grandchildren, 22 great-grandchildren, and one great-great-grandchild. Despite her age, her mental clarity is astonishing. She will tell you stories from 70+ years ago with incredibly vivid detail. While she was in the hospital, I had lots of conversations with her. I asked her why she chose do make some of the decisions in life she made. During many instances, it had nothing to do with what was best for her, rather what was best for my aunts and uncles.
It reminded me a lot of my mom. I constantly remind her she has to take care of herself. Yesterday alone she told me:
“Yo se mija. Yo ya no soy la misma y tengo que pensar mas en ustedes.â€
(My daughter, I know. I’m not the same anymore, and I need to think more about you two.)
This response blew me away. Never has my mom ever not thought of us. Honestly, she’s thought of us too much and not enough about herself. But, she says the last thing she wants to do is cause us any pain. Meanwhile, the last thing I want is for her to ever be in pain.
After she said this, it made me think of the parallels that exist between her and my grandmother. Both matriarchs. Both made many decisions based on what was best for their children. Both tried to do the best job they could’ve done within the circumstances life dealt them.
My grandmother, a woman who doesn’t know how to read or write, raised a woman like my mother. A woman who was brave enough to leave home, who took on a new country and raised her children with the best education money and hard work can buy. Neither ever sits there and brags about their accomplishments. They simply say they did what they were supposed to do.
As I’ve told you before, my mother compares my brother and I to her lungs. Part of me thinks that’s what helped my grandmother pull through – seeing how everyone rallied around her. How we all reminded her she still has fight in her, and we all still want her around. We gave her the boost of oxygen she needed.
It’s been a scary 10 months between my mom’s diagnosis, and now my grandmother. That’s why this year Mother’s Day is extra special. This is why I’m more grateful than ever to have both my mom, and my grandmother, on Earth with me. It could’ve been a terribly horrifying outcome on both ends. Instead, I learned more about the wonderful trail of matriarchs I form a part of, which I couldn’t be more humbled and grateful for.
Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in New York City. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€
