My mother never gave us chores. I never had to take out the trash, do my laundry or clean the house. She only asked us to bring home good grades and “buen comportamiento,†(good behavior). A big part of good behavior meant always being honest. My mother, for better or worse, was always honest with us.
I remember the times teachers would call her and want to meet with her. She’d always ask my brother, or me, what happened. She always made it clear that we better not be lying. She’ll defend us to the end, but if she finds out we lied, agáchate (duck)! She’s honest with us, our family and friends. She has always said:
Believe me, my mother has zero self image issues. In Spanish it sounds MUCH better. The point is, as often as we hear it, honesty is the best policy. One of the things I see most with people is their inability to be completely honest.
No matter how hard of a truth I’ve ever had to share with my mom, she always appreciated it. Don’t get me wrong, some truths drove her to the confessional, literally. But, in the end, she always tells people she knows who her daughter is. My friends always admire how frank and candid we are with one another. I simply follow her example.
We are best friends, and in the end, best friends don’t lie to each other.
Bertha Hope grew up with a musician father and became a world-renowned jazz pianist herself. She then passed on her love for music to her daughter, Monica, who is a singer and currently recording original material for licensing consideration and hoping for her first CD.
“It was like passing it on to the next generation,†Bertha told Wiser With Age.
Monica recalls writing music from the age of 14 and says her mother had an incredible influence in helping her perfect her craft. She says her mother never interfered in her creative process but always had some insight into her work.
Bertha and Monica perform together occasionally. In late 2014, they performed together when Bertha was named “Living Legend” at the Bronx Music Heritage Center. A clip of the performance can be seen above.
Monica will be performing in an upcoming show at the Bitter End in New York City with New York Hall of Fame Inductee, Billie Williams on February 7.
And, you can catch Bertha every other weekend at Minton’s jazz club in Harlem, or the Apollo Theatre, in New York City on May 9th and the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts in Washington D.C. on May 10th.
Kelly Carrion, is a multimedia journalist who believes in the incredible influence storytelling has on people, and how they view the world. That is why she has made it her mission to tell compelling stories about extraordinary people. Her articles have been featured on NBCNews.com, NBCLatino.com, LowellSun.com and Nashoba Publishing. She is a recent Boston University graduate. Follow Kelly on Twitter @kellycarrion12.
My mom is a pusher. She has pushed through more things than one might assume her tiny stature was capable of. Having her as my example turned me into a pusher. But, sometimes you want to push for those you love, and it doesn’t really work.
If I care for you, I’m loyal until the end, almost to a fault. If my best friend is getting married (she is), I’m jumping for joy. If my best friend is sad, I’m sad next to her. If someone hurts my best friend, I’m livid. REALLY livid. As one of my guy besties likes to call it, “crazy girlfriend status.â€
As I get older, I’ve learned to listen to my mom and her words more. She’s always said to me:
     No sudes calentura ajena.
(Don’t sweat other people’s heat)
You can’t want things for people more than they want it for themselves. In the end, you may be doing more harm than good. You can make them feel insecure, or have them shut you out (been there, done that). Instead, I’m learning to put my support out there and sit back. Anyone who is wanting to have it knows it’s there.
Besides, as a Florida girl, who wants to be sweating all the time? Gross.
Bertha Hope has been surrounded by music all her life. Her father Clinton (Henry) Rosemond was a dramatic baritone singer who traveled all over Europe to perform, she married two legendary jazz musicians – pianist, Elmo Hope and bassist, Walter Booker, and she herself became an award-winning jazz pianist.
In late 2014, after a full career touring Europe and Japan and playing with a diverse group of artists, Hope was named a Living Legend by the Bronx Music Heritage Center at age 78.
Originally from Los Angeles, she has lived in New York City since she moved there with her husband Elmo in 1961. She says her first husband was one of her biggest musical influences, and they met while he was touring in LA.
“I was trying to learn his music, as I was beginning to be interested in the Be Bop era – listening to Billy Holiday and modern jazz quartets,†remembers Hope. “I had a good ear. That’s what I was doing with Elmo’s music, and I was trying to impress him without seeming too school girlish.â€
Sadly, Elmo died from heart failure when he was 43 and Bertha was 31. They had three children, and their daughter, Monica, became a singer.
“Being able to talk the same language was wonderful,†says Hope about her marriage. “I was in awe of Elmo. For a long time, I didn’t let him hear me play. I would practice when he wasn’t home. Eventually, we did play together and did an LP. We sometimes went to practice together, but I was always nervous and a wreck.â€
She says Bud Powell’s style was also a big influence on her in the beginning, as well as Duke Ellington, and later, Mary Lou Williams. Hope says there have always been women musicians, as long as she can remember, because of the “church influence.â€
“Blues and church music have very similar elements,†says Hope, explaining it was most common for women to play the piano. “When I was growing up, I met one woman who played the saxophone in LA…I wanted to play the trumpet, but my mom said it was too masculine.â€
So she ended up dabbling with the violin, cello and clarinet, but sticking to the piano, because she says those instruments were acceptable at the time for girls. She sometimes regrets not pursuing the trumpet, however.
“I wasn’t aggressive enough to pursue another instrument,†says Hope. “I wasn’t brave enough to persist.â€
She says she was around 12 or 13, however, when she was certain she wanted to be a musician for her life’s career.
“I come from a musical family. I took lessons starting at 3, and in a great public school in Los Angeles, I was exposed to instruments at a very early age,†says Hope. “The first time I realized it was what I wanted to do was when my father asked to help vocalize him. He hired me at age 12. That was my first salary – $7 for the concert. I hardly make that much now.†(laughing)
She says one of her all-time favorite accomplishments in her career was putting the band Jazzberry Jam! together in the late 1970’s. The four-woman band has played at New York City’s Gracie Mansion, The Brooklyn Academy of Music, The Renaissance Jazz Festival in Indianapolis, and was featured in a 1999 award-winning documentary, “Les Femmes du Jazz.â€
“[Forming the band] helped us turn the corner of being a band that worked occasionally to a band that played a lot,†says Hope. “We performed at The West End for eight weeks straight. The people that came to support was mostly musician’s wives, and we still perform today. “
Bertha playing at Minton’s in Jan. 2015 (Photo/Kristina Puga)
Hope is currently in residency at NYC jazz club, Minton’s, where she plays with the Minton Players every other weekend.
If she could tell her younger self one piece of advice about life, with the wisdom she has now, what would it be?
“Stay in school, and stay open. Stay focused. Listen more than you talk. Take in a wide amount of musical experiences, and stay true to yourself. Find people that do the best of what it is you want to do, and try to learn from their experiences.â€
My mother always raised me to be very headstrong and independent (shocking, I know). She always made it a point to tell us to be ourselves and to surround ourselves with friends we could learn from. It’s funny, because I think she worries more about “el elemento” (the element/type of people) I hang out with now more than she did when I was a kid. We are all influenced by our friends. We all don’t treat each friend the same or act the same around them.
I have four main girlfriends I refer to as my “faithful four.†Each one of them brings out the best in me in a different way. What all of my friends have in common is the fact they are all positive influences. Every parent strives to have their child surrounded by the best kind of people.
My grandmother, Maria Victoria, is about 4’8 and a total spitfire. She is 90 and doesn’t skip a beat. She won’t hesitate to threaten you with a frying pan over your head if you get out of line. She even does it to my 74-year-old uncle! She takes no prisoners. Her advice to my mom regarding her social circles was:
Anda con tontos y tonta serás. Anda con sabios y sabÃa serás.
(Surround yourself with fools and a a fool you will become. Surround yourself with wisdom and you will become wise.)
My grandmother doesn’t know how to read or write. However, despite her lack of schooling she is astute. She surrounded herself with the right people — people she could learn from. She has passed on these pearls of wisdom to my mom who in turn has passed them onto us. The older we get, the more we realize how right our moms were…for the most part.
In the end, my momma didn’t raise no fool…neither did hers.
Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€
