Wiser With Age

Tag: In My Mother’s Words

  • In My Mother’s Words: My (Grand)Mother’s advice on social circles

    In My Mother’s Words: My (Grand)Mother’s advice on social circles


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Bélgica (left), Maria Victoria (center), Victoria (right)

    My mother always raised me to be very headstrong and independent (shocking, I know). She always made it a point to tell us to be ourselves and to surround ourselves with friends we could learn from. It’s funny, because I think she worries more about “el elemento” (the element/type of people) I hang out with now more than she did when I was a kid. We are all influenced by our friends. We all don’t treat each friend the same or act the same around them.

    I have four main girlfriends I refer to as my “faithful four.†Each one of them brings out the best in me in a different way. What all of my friends have in common is the fact they are all positive influences. Every parent strives to have their child surrounded by the best kind of people.

    My grandmother, Maria Victoria, is about 4’8 and a total spitfire. She is 90 and doesn’t skip a beat. She won’t hesitate to threaten you with a frying pan over your head if you get out of line. She even does it to my 74-year-old uncle! She takes no prisoners. Her advice to my mom regarding her social circles was:

    Anda con tontos y tonta serás. Anda con sabios y sabía serás.

    (Surround yourself with fools and a a fool you will become. Surround yourself with wisdom and you will become wise.)

    My grandmother doesn’t know how to read or write. However, despite her lack of schooling she is astute. She surrounded herself with the right people — people she could learn from. She has passed on these pearls of wisdom to my mom who in turn has passed them onto us. The older we get, the more we realize how right our moms were…for the most part.

    In the end, my momma didn’t raise no fool…neither did hers.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: Thoughts on excessive drinking

    In My Mother’s Words: Thoughts on excessive drinking


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    My mother enjoys the occasional margarita, or cheap beer, but has never been a heavy drinker. She, like most parents, doesn’t encourage us to drink to the point of losing our inhibitions. However, she also realized that with us going off to college, it became pretty inevitable to partake in excessive drinking. She always told me the usual, “watch out for your drink,†“make sure you watch them pour your drink,†and “take your own money and don’t let strange men buy you drinks.†I must say though, my favorite advice until this day still is:

    “Trasero fondeado no tiene dueño!â€

    (Passed out ass has no owner!)

    In reality, she doesn’t use the word “trasero,†and instead uses a word Pitbull named a song after. But, this was her way of letting me know that if I drank to the point of no return, I’d be unable to control my surroundings. This could lead to bad decision making or engaging in non-consensual extracurricular activity I wouldn’t recall the next day. We’ve all had those nights where we had that extra shot or extra glass of wine. We’ve all received a phone call from a friend who had a little too much to drink and therefore let all hang out a little too much.

    All these lessons applied to my brother as well. My mother has never been sexist with her advice. My mother also doesn’t hesitate to share such advice with my friends when she hears them tell me their stories of alcohol induced rendezvous. She, even now that I’m 28 and my brother is 31, constantly reminds us of the consequences of our actions.

    There’s nothing more sobering than having her tell me this before a night out with friends.

    Cheers!

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: On friendships

    In My Mother’s Words: On friendships


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Victoria with her mom.

    Friends. Where would any of us be without our friends? They’re our shoulders to cry on, our favorite ones to laugh with, and some of the people who love us the most in this world. Some friendships are for a lifetime, and others just make cameo appearances for a chapter or two. Something my mother has always stressed is honesty and open communication. As she likes to say:

    “Cuentas claras conservan amistades.”

    (Not exactly translated: Proper accountability preserves friendships.)

    Basically, what this does is emphasize the need for transparency in a friendship. Always make sure things are in the clear, whether it be something that bothered you, or owing someone $5. People have falling outs over the most minimal to the most majorly horrific things. My friends laugh at me when I pay them back $2 and tell me I’m being ridiculous.

    My mother would’ve had a much more difficult time with us as children had it not been for her friends. It’s true that it takes a village to raise a child, and now I see that with my own friends. Not every friend is meant for the long haul, and that’s ok. Typically the ones that stay are the best ones to keep, and the ones who go were fun while they lasted. But, in the end, I always have my mom, and I couldn’t ask for a better friend than that.

    Besides, she’s funny and drinks like a champ!

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: On moving on…

    In My Mother’s Words: On moving on…


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.
    Victoria’s mom, Belgica, dancing with her brother. They’ve been bolero-ing together since the ’70s.

    I have a tendency of being a bit of a dweller. I think about things and analyze them time and time again. Frankly, it’s borderline torturous. Many times the person forced to listen to me and my “what ifs,” “could haves” and “should haves” is my wonderful mother. When she gets to a point where she thinks I truly need to get over it, she says,

    “Ay, Victoria! Olvidate de ese tango y baila bolero.â€

    (Direct translation: Oh, Victoria! Forget that tango and dance bolero.)

    No, I do not tango as I am telling my mother the 34,987,349 scenarios going through my head. Basically, what this means is forget about it and move on. Nothing can be done to change the past. As cliché as it sounds, you can only move forward.

    My mother has always pushed forward. She left her country, and pushed forward. She raised two kids on her own, with no family around, and pushed forward. In 2015, I’m going to do a better job of pushing forward.

    A new year is a new opportunity. Some things will be great, and others will not be so great. When they’re not so great, just remind yourself to move on. Forgive yourself, and move forward.

    In 2015, I hope to do a little less tangoing and a lot more bolero-ing. It seems to be working for my mom just fine.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€

  • In My Mother’s Words: The importance of education

    In My Mother’s Words: The importance of education


    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    The one thing my mother truly laments about her life is not being able to get an education. Being a woman from a third world country made this incredibly difficult for her. She’s always said if she would’ve been given the opportunity she would’ve been a teacher.

    This is one thing, among many others, my mother never wanted us to feel. She never wanted us to lament not having an education. Frankly, my brother and I didn’t have a choice. As kids, I remember her always telling us:

    “Tú vas hacer abogada y Renecito va ser un médico.”

    (You’re going to be an attorney, and René is going to be a doctor.)

    For the record, neither of us became either of those but her whole point was to ingrain the idea of higher education in our minds. I thought this was the norm. I thought this is what everyone was told at home. I was wrong. I was also incredibly lucky.

    Having raised us by herself she talked to us about a lot of intense topics early on. One of those included what she wanted for us if she passed away before we finished our schooling. These were always her words to us:

    “Si yo me muero y ustedes no se han graduado de la universidad, el día que se gradúen ustedes van a mi tumba y me dicen ‘Mami, cumplí.’”

    (If I die and you guys haven’t graduated college, the day you graduate you will go to my tomb and say, “Mom, I did it.â€)

    As an adult, I can’t imagine how hard it is to say those words to your children. Today is five years to the date that I graduated college. I’m a journalist and my brother, who also graduated, works as a marketing manager in Chicago. She told my brother and I the exact same thing when we graduated:

    “Ya usted cumplió conmigo.”

    (Loosely translated: You’ve done all I’ve asked of you.)

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.

    That’s all she ever asked of us, to get an education. She said it was the only gift she could give us. It will forever be the greatest gift she gave us.

    A woman with short hair wearing red necklace.Victoria Moll-Ramirez is a broadcast journalist based in Atlanta, GA. She is originally from Miami, FL and had the great fortune of being raised by the sassiest, spunkiest, wisest, most hysterical Honduran woman in the world. Victoria’s mother, Bélgica, is 60-years-old, resides in Little Havana (Miami) and enjoys a good margarita accompanied by a heartrending ranchera. Victoria blogs about her mom’s funny and wise sayings on, “In My Mother’s Words.â€